Just a little early Christmas cheer from my little elf.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
find yours
I missed the sermon 2 sundays ago, and this past sunday...
but I do have a fabulous husband who told me about the sermon when he went. It was about joy and thankfulness. How we should always be joyful. This led into a conversation about how we always seem to be looking forward to getting over the next step, the next hump, the next big hard thing. Than we'll be able to enjoy life and be joyful.
While we're waiting life happens. Like my tiny roe growing up. I am so excited for when we no longer have to diaper him,and when we can sleep in again, when he can talk and tell us whats going on. If we only focus on getting there we'll miss everything in between. And we do not want that.
Right now we're planning on me heading back to school in September, for 2 full-time years. They're gonna be tough, full of school debt and having someone else looking after our little man. And we keep finding ourselves talking about when I am done school. Just like we used to talk about "After he is born". Than we reflect on what we'd miss out on if we just fast forwarded the next 2 years, all the good. All the joy, all the love, all the memories.
So we're focusing on the now, sure there are things we'd change, but it is not possible right now. So we're gonna focus on the now and reflect on the joy and photograph as many memories as we can and realize that this is life that we're living.
I hope you try to as well and find the joy in the simple everyday. Make your neighbor some cookies. Go for a walk in the snow. Call up an old friend, on the phone. Love others. Find your joy.
Merry Christmas & Happy Hannukah
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
4 Months
You were 4 months old yesterday. A third of a year if you will, which makes it sound crazy. Everyone and my mother keeps telling me to enjoy it while I can, as it goes by far too fast. Maybe I am alone on this one but I am excited with each passing day, to see you grow and develop. I am so excited to one day be done cloth diapering you and to have you carry on a conversation with me.
This month has lead to a ton more interaction between you and I. You have started laughing, a real little laugh which is so contagious, and your dad and I watch you laugh and coo for so long and than laugh at our newness and excitement of each of these moments. You also rolled over for the first time, I was having a shower and when I got out I found you awake, upset and rolled over! At about 3.5 months old.
We were given an exersaucer from a friend and you love it! Your feet barely reach the ground and there are these three musical song buttons which you press over and over and over, smiling the whole while. So impressed with yourself!
You had your first Halloween, which you almost slept through, you woke up around 9 pm and we quickly got you outfitted and took you over to two of our neighbor's homes. They just love you around here!
We've had lots of fun this past month meeting so many of our friends new babies who've been born in these past few months. You met Julianna, Eva, Jacob, Oakley, baby Rae (in her mommy's tummy), Owen, Julia and Titus (and his brothers and cousin). We've also been able to introduce you to some new aunties and uncles for you, again they've loved you.
When we're at home you are so calm and content but if we take you outside of our home, you seem well just out of sorts. So we've started staying home a bit more.
Your sleep patterns have taken a HUGE turn, for the harder. You now wake up consistently every 2-3 hours a night. Its proven even tougher to adjust back to the way you were when we first came home. Our 6 week teaser of you sleeping 8 hours a night seems a far far distant memory. Hopefully we'll get back there soon.
You my little man are teething like crazy! You have molars coming in. MOLARS. You let us know when you need some special soothing by grabbing and jamming anything you can into your mouth and chomping away at it. We can see the white teeth buds just waiting to break through....and waiting.
You've also begun to take an interest in our meals. Your daddy and I will sit you up on the table in your Bumbo while we're eating and the intensity in which you watch us is so sweet. So on the day you turned 4 months old I gave you the tiniest bit of rice cereal and some apples. You seemed somewhat indifferent to the whole food thing, but you did swallow it, which shows us that you're getting closer and closer to integrating some solids into your diet.
Your dad and I are busy getting ready for your dedication this coming weekend, we have over 30 guests who will be in attendance to join us in celebrating you! I know it will be a fabulous day and once again I'd like to say thank-you God for choosing us to be your parents.
I love you to the moon and back my roe roe
mommy. xox
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Where is the 'me'?
So I started this blog as I've seen numerous people do. To document my pregnancy and my little man's life. but what I've neglected to do is to share how having a baby added to my life has changed me so very much in such a short time.
The pregnancy part, like a lot of stuff to me, seems simple, almost easy in the beginning; Than it gets really Tough. It gets hard, and than you understand what everyone else has been complaining about. And for a moment it seems you're allowed to be a little bit uncomfortable with your body being take over and stretched and broken in some ways-ways that heal. Yes. In ways that heal, but are never quite the same. Like stretch marks and scars. Than there is the emotional stuff and internal stuff that no one wants to talk about.
During my pregnancy I was lucky to have a very supportive midwife and one very cautious midwife (they work in teams of 2 around here). And early into my pregnancy she inquired into my support team after I had my baby. I related that I had Paul and ummmmm well Paul (who is amazing and amazing in so many ways, except that he has to go to work and than I am alone with my roe).
You see my mom and dad (whom I miss more than typed or spoken words could ever express) live 3 hours away, about 20 minutes away from my in-laws. My 2 brothers and my niece and nephew live 2 hours another way from us along with my brother and sister in law and 2 nephews. So I had friends, and my Aunt Gloria and uncle Darren and their adorable and cuddly kids (they're still an hour away). And our closest friends other than one couple who have 4 children of their own live anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour away from us.
You see I hadn't even thought about how HARD it would be not to have my people around. my mom, my girls. Of course this was a huge red flag for the midwife who recommended some support groups etc. And I took the recommendations with a smile and agreed that I'd go there. I have a secret to confess I have yet to go, and the babe is 15 weeks today.
So I got sick the last 2 months of my pregnancy, had a transfer of care to an OB, and was hospitalized quite often. Than Monroe was born and everything seemed perfect. He was/is perfect. Than pain was gone as were the t3's and morphine and antibiotics.
So after my 6 week recovery, I was supposed to be getting out, not isolating myself etc. But even at my 2 week check-up I had to admit that I was getting quite a few check marks on the list of post-partum issues. Than I talked about it, and people did NOT know what to do or say. My mom even said to me "If you can say you have Post-partum depression, than you don't have it". Than she realized you could after spending a weekend (about 3 weeks after Monroe was born) with me where I felt at my ropes end while Paul was away working. You see our society is aware of the issue but if someone openly says they are feeling down down down, no one knows what to say or do because no one actually talks about it happening to them.
The funny thing is once I began to talk about it and people managed to swallow my bluntness with it I started to get some more support. Which was amazing. And I even found my own mama's group (not one from the midwife), but one that works for me. But I only see them every other Friday morning. I would like to see them everyday and have them over for tea and talk and 'support' one another. But life happens and it is not possible.
So I started to feel better about 6 weeks after roe being born and thought, whew that hurdle has been jumped and cleared. Except as we passed the 3 month mark. It came back. Maybe it is a fluke and maybe you think that I am too blunt to be experiencing it. But I feel down and there are factors lately that have added to it, and once again i feel this how the heck am I going to get out of this pit feeling.
I realized that I had not really told my girls about these issues, about how sometimes I feel like I just need a break, maybe in a quiet white room where no one is clawing at me for my breasts. For a week. So I told one this past week, and she took me out with a few of our other friends. And it was amazing. We stayed out til 4 am and danced the night away. We laughed and had fruity drinks and danced and took cute photos ad took hours to get ready. And I felt like I found the me again.
When I came home, and I woke up Saturday with only 5 hours of sleep, it was to an amazing husband, who only called me at 3 am to make sure I was okay, not to demand that I come home at any time soon. And on Saturday morning after I fed Roe, he took him and snuggled him so I could sleep just a little longer. We than went for a family walk, than raked some leaves while Roe slept. We laughed a lot, and Paul told me that he was so happy to have his wife back who cracked jokes and laughed with him. He said it had been a tough few months with me gone. I have to agree.
So I still feel sad. But I am forcing myself to get out more. I am trying to laugh. I am asking for help and I am stating that I have PPD. And I'll be okay and I need your support, so just be there for me okay? I'll do the same for you. I promise.
I think I am slowly finding the me in mom.
The pregnancy part, like a lot of stuff to me, seems simple, almost easy in the beginning; Than it gets really Tough. It gets hard, and than you understand what everyone else has been complaining about. And for a moment it seems you're allowed to be a little bit uncomfortable with your body being take over and stretched and broken in some ways-ways that heal. Yes. In ways that heal, but are never quite the same. Like stretch marks and scars. Than there is the emotional stuff and internal stuff that no one wants to talk about.
During my pregnancy I was lucky to have a very supportive midwife and one very cautious midwife (they work in teams of 2 around here). And early into my pregnancy she inquired into my support team after I had my baby. I related that I had Paul and ummmmm well Paul (who is amazing and amazing in so many ways, except that he has to go to work and than I am alone with my roe).
You see my mom and dad (whom I miss more than typed or spoken words could ever express) live 3 hours away, about 20 minutes away from my in-laws. My 2 brothers and my niece and nephew live 2 hours another way from us along with my brother and sister in law and 2 nephews. So I had friends, and my Aunt Gloria and uncle Darren and their adorable and cuddly kids (they're still an hour away). And our closest friends other than one couple who have 4 children of their own live anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour away from us.
You see I hadn't even thought about how HARD it would be not to have my people around. my mom, my girls. Of course this was a huge red flag for the midwife who recommended some support groups etc. And I took the recommendations with a smile and agreed that I'd go there. I have a secret to confess I have yet to go, and the babe is 15 weeks today.
So I got sick the last 2 months of my pregnancy, had a transfer of care to an OB, and was hospitalized quite often. Than Monroe was born and everything seemed perfect. He was/is perfect. Than pain was gone as were the t3's and morphine and antibiotics.
So after my 6 week recovery, I was supposed to be getting out, not isolating myself etc. But even at my 2 week check-up I had to admit that I was getting quite a few check marks on the list of post-partum issues. Than I talked about it, and people did NOT know what to do or say. My mom even said to me "If you can say you have Post-partum depression, than you don't have it". Than she realized you could after spending a weekend (about 3 weeks after Monroe was born) with me where I felt at my ropes end while Paul was away working. You see our society is aware of the issue but if someone openly says they are feeling down down down, no one knows what to say or do because no one actually talks about it happening to them.
The funny thing is once I began to talk about it and people managed to swallow my bluntness with it I started to get some more support. Which was amazing. And I even found my own mama's group (not one from the midwife), but one that works for me. But I only see them every other Friday morning. I would like to see them everyday and have them over for tea and talk and 'support' one another. But life happens and it is not possible.
So I started to feel better about 6 weeks after roe being born and thought, whew that hurdle has been jumped and cleared. Except as we passed the 3 month mark. It came back. Maybe it is a fluke and maybe you think that I am too blunt to be experiencing it. But I feel down and there are factors lately that have added to it, and once again i feel this how the heck am I going to get out of this pit feeling.
I realized that I had not really told my girls about these issues, about how sometimes I feel like I just need a break, maybe in a quiet white room where no one is clawing at me for my breasts. For a week. So I told one this past week, and she took me out with a few of our other friends. And it was amazing. We stayed out til 4 am and danced the night away. We laughed and had fruity drinks and danced and took cute photos ad took hours to get ready. And I felt like I found the me again.
When I came home, and I woke up Saturday with only 5 hours of sleep, it was to an amazing husband, who only called me at 3 am to make sure I was okay, not to demand that I come home at any time soon. And on Saturday morning after I fed Roe, he took him and snuggled him so I could sleep just a little longer. We than went for a family walk, than raked some leaves while Roe slept. We laughed a lot, and Paul told me that he was so happy to have his wife back who cracked jokes and laughed with him. He said it had been a tough few months with me gone. I have to agree.
So I still feel sad. But I am forcing myself to get out more. I am trying to laugh. I am asking for help and I am stating that I have PPD. And I'll be okay and I need your support, so just be there for me okay? I'll do the same for you. I promise.
I think I am slowly finding the me in mom.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
3 Months!
Monroe,
You have just reached the 3 month milestone in your journey, which I found out means you've had to give up your newborn title and move onto the very progressive title of infant. We are so glad that we were chosen to be your parents.
This month you learned to stick out your tongue, grasp and hold objects (with a much stronger left hand currently) and you've started to move yourself when placed on your tummy. A little wriggle if you will. We'll find you halfway up your crib from where we placed you and sometimes even sideways.
This month your dad and I got to go on a belated 5 year anniversary dinner while you stayed with our friends Paul & Alisha. They have 4 little girls who like to just smile and coo over you.
This month has had some very hard times as well.
Your great grandfather suffered a massive stroke while away in Halifax and when your grandma, and great aunts rushed out to be with him and your great-Nanny. You and I headed over to grandma's house to run her dog kennel and keep an eye on your grumpa. This proved quite tough with you and up to a dozen dogs to look after. We managed somehow.
Unfortunately your great-grandpa passed away a week later. I am so happy he got to meet you and hold you!
During the funeral your Aunt Kristy offered to take the day off of work to watch you. You did great and made all that pumping worth it knowing you were managing just fine.
Your dad had a trip to Calgary and you and I went and stayed with your great-Nanny. It was a fun visit where she snuggled and held you lots and helped me when I couldn't seem to comfort you.
You met some other aunties of yours this month for the first time, lydia and andrea and kyla, you also got to meet grandma bev and gord. They just loved you the moment they saw and held you. You are so beautiful and smile so easily with a grin that lights up your entire face.
We had a brunch with your auntie jennie bess and josh during our thanksgiving weekend, in which you behaved perfectly as you always seem to! Than we were off to Aunt Jackie's for a family thanksgiving, where you got to meet poppy for the first time.
You're getting better and better in your carseat and stroller. i have hope that one day we'll be able to complete walks without you screaming the entire time. We bought you some new clothes this month and everyone who sees you comment son how absolutely handsome you are.
We love seeing you grow and find new things such as your hands and feet and the way you grin so very much.
we love you,
mommy & daddy
You have just reached the 3 month milestone in your journey, which I found out means you've had to give up your newborn title and move onto the very progressive title of infant. We are so glad that we were chosen to be your parents.
This month you learned to stick out your tongue, grasp and hold objects (with a much stronger left hand currently) and you've started to move yourself when placed on your tummy. A little wriggle if you will. We'll find you halfway up your crib from where we placed you and sometimes even sideways.
This month your dad and I got to go on a belated 5 year anniversary dinner while you stayed with our friends Paul & Alisha. They have 4 little girls who like to just smile and coo over you.
This month has had some very hard times as well.
Your great grandfather suffered a massive stroke while away in Halifax and when your grandma, and great aunts rushed out to be with him and your great-Nanny. You and I headed over to grandma's house to run her dog kennel and keep an eye on your grumpa. This proved quite tough with you and up to a dozen dogs to look after. We managed somehow.
Unfortunately your great-grandpa passed away a week later. I am so happy he got to meet you and hold you!
During the funeral your Aunt Kristy offered to take the day off of work to watch you. You did great and made all that pumping worth it knowing you were managing just fine.
Your dad had a trip to Calgary and you and I went and stayed with your great-Nanny. It was a fun visit where she snuggled and held you lots and helped me when I couldn't seem to comfort you.
You met some other aunties of yours this month for the first time, lydia and andrea and kyla, you also got to meet grandma bev and gord. They just loved you the moment they saw and held you. You are so beautiful and smile so easily with a grin that lights up your entire face.
We had a brunch with your auntie jennie bess and josh during our thanksgiving weekend, in which you behaved perfectly as you always seem to! Than we were off to Aunt Jackie's for a family thanksgiving, where you got to meet poppy for the first time.
You're getting better and better in your carseat and stroller. i have hope that one day we'll be able to complete walks without you screaming the entire time. We bought you some new clothes this month and everyone who sees you comment son how absolutely handsome you are.
We love seeing you grow and find new things such as your hands and feet and the way you grin so very much.
mommy & daddy
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
2 months old. Wow.
In the last 4.5 weeks you’ve changed from this tiny blob, into a good sized little man.
Just a week ago I had to go up a size in your diaper snap sizes, and put away all your newborn sleepers and switch you to 0-3 month and some 3-6 month clothing!
In late August we went and visited with your grumpa and gammy while your dad went away on a boys weekend to the cottage. This time on our drive down gammy met us halfway and sat with you in the back to help soothe you during the drive, you seem to hate your car seat and begin to scream about 10 minutes into any drive unless someone is rocking your seat, holding you hands and comforting you, which is very hard for your mommy to do while driving alone! Thankfully your dad is a pro at this and while comfort you on nay drive that he is there for.
the first time you stayed asleep in your stroller! (lasted about 1.5 hours)
The Friday night that we got there you slept for 6 hours straight! I woke up a half hour before you did and stared at you anticipating when you’d wake up. We had some fun going to the Zurich Beanfest and looking at the classic cars, as well as going for an evening walk with gammy in downtown Bayfield. We also went to church in the park to see your grandma and grandpa and meet up with some friends of ours who got to snuggle and hold you.
roe, auntie anita & mommy
You continued to smile at us and about a week after you first grinned at me, your dad got his first real big smile out of you. He was SO excited! Since than you’ve begun to coo while smiling and you’ve begun to smile, coo and gaze at the hangy things over your bouncy chair, which keeps you entertained. We adore seeing you smile and hearing you coo.
We headed to the cottage for labor day weekend where you met lots of cousins and great aunts and uncles and your great grandma. It was a bit chilly and you were snuggled all weekend and kept warm by your aunties.
Your great Aunt Gloria and Uncle Darren hosted an amazing shower for you and your cousin Tieler ( born 2 weeks after you) last weekend. It was a great day full of friends and family, who were so excited to meet you. You were amazing smiling and flirting with everyone in sight. Everyone loves you so much and we were so very blessed!
This last week you surprised us by sleeping 8 HOURS. That is right you celebrated turning 8 weeks old by doing 8 consecutive hours of sleep. What a gift! You’d been doing 6 hours straight, a half hour feeding than another 2 hours of sleep for a few weeks and we felt so blessed by that. Then last night and the night before you did 7.5 and 8 hours again. We’re keeping our fingers crossed that this is your new sleep pattern!
You’re awake more during the day now and we’re trying to get you to enjoy your stroller and carseat combo. So far you despise them. The only way you’re happy on a walk is when you’re in a sling or your babyhawk, which truth be told can get a bit heavy. And going for a 1/2 hour walk while you scream the whole way is none too enticing!
Your daddy and I have started up our badminton again and we bring you along switching off who gets to play as well as mommy has started up swimming again. Your daddy comes with you to the pool and encourages mommy while you and him hang out.
We love you so very much and can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us!
Love mommy
Monday, August 23, 2010
one month.
You were one month old yesterday.
Where did that time go? Somewhere in between the 3 am feedings and the burpings and gripe water and multiple outfit changes you grew, quickly.
I am guessing your now at least 8 lbs (we have a midwife appt this week to confirm), which seems huge to me, but small when I think about how I was 8lbs 13 oz. at birth (thanks mom!). You still look the same to me, but I can see little changes, like chunkier thighs, and little man boobies forming as well as a double chin.
We've settled into a routine where you'll choose a routine for a few days that change it! Thankfully you've been sticking to a night time routine pretty well, it is the daytime we've gotta figure out. You've been sleeping 4 hours with a 1/2 hour feeding than another 3-4 hours. Which we love! And your daddy is such a HUGE help, he does diaper duty while I set up the milk shoppe. I don't know what I'd do without him.
You enjoy your tummy time, you are already lifting your head straight up (you did within an hour of being born) but you're now able to switch it from side to side and lift it off of my shoulder to look me in the eyes. One day while I left you on your blanket for a minute I came back and you had rotated your whole body 90*. You are one string little man!
You outgrew your first sleeper!
More your arms outgrew it. Your legs will still fit but you've got 3/4 length sleeves, you've definitely inherited your daddy's long arms and fingers. You're still fitting into your newborn stuff, but I think we've only got a couple more weeks and than we'll fully be into the 0-3 month range, and man do I have some cute clothes for you.
We switched over from disposable diapers to cloth last Saturday, so we've been cd'ing you for over a week now and so far so good. It has definitely increased your booty size! but the diapers are just so cute and knowing we're doing our little part makes me feel good. Thankfully we have enough diapers that I only need to do 2 loads a week. I love using our clothesline, but this week the weather has not been co-operating.
I LOVE seeing you with our family and friends. And they are ENAMORED with you! You've met so many people this last month that it would be mind boggling to list them all, it reminds us just how absolutely loved you are.
Decker has adjusted quite well to you and now instead of jumping away from you when you reach out, he gives you little kisses and snuggles up with us while you're feeding.
And you smiled for the first time (without me thinking it was gas) on Friday (august 20th), and again a huge grin today when I was talking with you. I love seeing those smiles! and your eyes seem to twinkle along with your grin.
One of the best things this month has been seeing your dad fall so hard in love with you. He loves to come home from work, cuddle you and all asleep with you; While singing you a random variety of bon jovi songs (bed of roses was a huge favorite our first night in the hospital). You are a lucky boy to have a daddy like him.
we love you roe!
love mommy
Where did that time go? Somewhere in between the 3 am feedings and the burpings and gripe water and multiple outfit changes you grew, quickly.
I am guessing your now at least 8 lbs (we have a midwife appt this week to confirm), which seems huge to me, but small when I think about how I was 8lbs 13 oz. at birth (thanks mom!). You still look the same to me, but I can see little changes, like chunkier thighs, and little man boobies forming as well as a double chin.
We've settled into a routine where you'll choose a routine for a few days that change it! Thankfully you've been sticking to a night time routine pretty well, it is the daytime we've gotta figure out. You've been sleeping 4 hours with a 1/2 hour feeding than another 3-4 hours. Which we love! And your daddy is such a HUGE help, he does diaper duty while I set up the milk shoppe. I don't know what I'd do without him.
You enjoy your tummy time, you are already lifting your head straight up (you did within an hour of being born) but you're now able to switch it from side to side and lift it off of my shoulder to look me in the eyes. One day while I left you on your blanket for a minute I came back and you had rotated your whole body 90*. You are one string little man!
You outgrew your first sleeper!
More your arms outgrew it. Your legs will still fit but you've got 3/4 length sleeves, you've definitely inherited your daddy's long arms and fingers. You're still fitting into your newborn stuff, but I think we've only got a couple more weeks and than we'll fully be into the 0-3 month range, and man do I have some cute clothes for you.
We switched over from disposable diapers to cloth last Saturday, so we've been cd'ing you for over a week now and so far so good. It has definitely increased your booty size! but the diapers are just so cute and knowing we're doing our little part makes me feel good. Thankfully we have enough diapers that I only need to do 2 loads a week. I love using our clothesline, but this week the weather has not been co-operating.
I LOVE seeing you with our family and friends. And they are ENAMORED with you! You've met so many people this last month that it would be mind boggling to list them all, it reminds us just how absolutely loved you are.
Decker has adjusted quite well to you and now instead of jumping away from you when you reach out, he gives you little kisses and snuggles up with us while you're feeding.
And you smiled for the first time (without me thinking it was gas) on Friday (august 20th), and again a huge grin today when I was talking with you. I love seeing those smiles! and your eyes seem to twinkle along with your grin.
One of the best things this month has been seeing your dad fall so hard in love with you. He loves to come home from work, cuddle you and all asleep with you; While singing you a random variety of bon jovi songs (bed of roses was a huge favorite our first night in the hospital). You are a lucky boy to have a daddy like him.
There has been tough times this month, such as nights 2 and 3 of your life, where your nights and days were mixed up. We kept you awake one evening to re-adjust your schedule and thankfully you straightened your sleep times out! And I am so so very thankful for that.
we love you roe!
love mommy
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