six months

my love. my roe.

You are now 6 months old.

You cut your first tooth last week on Thursday (the 20th of January). It was after a day of amazing napping (3.5 etc hours) at a new friends house and then there it was, your bottom right side front tooth. Sharp as anything, luckily you've not as of yet bitten mommy.

You love solids, love them. Anytime anyone has a bowl, cup, utensil near you, you open your mouth as wide as you can and lean towards it. You eat like a champ, and quickly, forget all that literature about feeding babes slowly, you haven't followed the rulebook much on that one.

We celebrated your first Christmas season, which you honestly seemed to sleep through. I believe I have one sleepy picture of you on Christmas eve and a few from Christmas morning, but other then that you were contentedly sleeping at a relative or friends home on whatever bed we could locate. Thank-you for being so portable in all the crazy travelling we did this and every other Christmas season.

You celebrated new years with your grandparents and you were fabulous (or so we were told). While your dad and I headed out to Toronto for the night. We had a really good almost 2 weeks off with your dad home from work during the holidays, we did some sled rides and just hung out at home as much as we could.

Since the holidays we've started a swim class called babyfit, where you lounge in the water while mommy does aquafit, you're improving every week. The first week it was much too cold for you and we had to get out after about 15 minutes to warm you up.

You're getting much more body strength and you will pull your body forward if we lean you back, not quite sitting yet, but on your way there!

Your grasp and dexterity have improved so much, instead of fumbling for an object, now you'll simply reach right for it, and place it promptly into your mouth to chew on.

You smile, laugh and talk so much now, it makes us smile and the circle continues. A huge smile with short spurts of laughter. You love your exer-saucer as well, you've just started rocking back and forth and making the whole thing move with you; Again you think this is hilarious.

You had your first 24 hour overnight away from us on the eve of your 6 month birthday, word from your grammy, grumpa and nanny is that you were beautiful, I think that means it went pretty well :)

We love you very much and we'r excited to see what this next month will bring.

I love you,
mommy

5 months in

So today you were 24 weeks, I had to google and follow something to another page to put info in to figure out how many weeks old you were, because truth be told I had stopped counting. This post is a few weeks late, to state the obvious. Though I take lots of pictures though to help me remember every little thing I can.

What has transpired this last month? Well you grew. To me you seem so huge now, though people seem to have these whopping infants weighing in at large amounts, you just hit 14 lbs a few weeks ago (around 4.5 months). I weigh you randomly at red tent which we attend every other Friday. I think you enjoy going, I sure do. About a month ago you grabbed another little man's hand while attending red tent and jammed it in your mouth and promptly started chomping away on it, it was pretty adorable.

So the chewing, on a multitude of items, is just adorable to me, unless you're screaming. Than I just want it to stop right in that moment.

For the majority of this month we haven't been able to keep you awake for more than an hour at a time, and then you promptly nap for anywhere from 1.5 to 2.5 hours. It is intense, and it helps me get a lot done (ie. today I made a birthday cake, cleaned, we went on a hike and I made lemon loaf). Some days I think it would be nice if you were awake a bit more too. I know this will happen soon enough though!

We did a lot of travelling in December and you met a lot of new people and had some lovely visits with family and friends. We had your dedication in which almost 30 family members attended and you were so utterly loved as always. We also celebrated your first Hannukah with Zaide & Lori and all of the Silverman family.

You started standing, while leaning on something like the couch on your own. Sometimes you sway back and forth and sometimes your legs just buckle, but your definitely building up your core nice and strongly. I love to hold your hands while you stand and sway back and forth giggling and smiling so big!

You seem to cough when you mean to laugh, a fake tiny cough that is hard to describe, but it is pretty darn adorable.We got a sleigh for you from our neighbors and you seem to like it very much, or more you are subdued by the sub-zero temperatures of northern Ontario.

You've become a FABULOUS baby in your car seat, as long as the radio is on and we're moving and it is your nap time. If any of these things are not in line, we're screwed. You'll scream and scream and cry and scream. So we've learned to be late or early dependent on your schedule. We also started to attempt to schedule you. Instead of eating every 2 hours, we worked it down to every 3-4 and we've introduced a feeding of rice cereal and some fruit before bed. This has made a big impact on how many times you get up in the night.

Everyone who meets/sees you comments on 2 things, your gorgeous big blue eyes and your smile. I couldn't agree with them more when they say how absolutely sweet you are.

I love you very much my roe roe.

mommy.

don't drink and drive

Just a little early Christmas cheer from my little elf.

find yours

I missed the sermon 2 sundays ago, and this past sunday...

but I do have a fabulous husband who told me about the sermon when he went. It was about joy and thankfulness. How we should always be joyful. This led into a conversation about how we always seem to be looking forward to getting over the next step, the next hump, the next big hard thing. Than we'll be able to enjoy life and be joyful.

While we're waiting life happens. Like my tiny roe growing up. I am so excited for when we no longer have to diaper him,and when we can sleep in again, when he can talk and tell us whats going on. If we only focus on getting there we'll miss everything in between. And we do not want that.

Right now we're planning on me heading back to school in September, for 2 full-time years. They're gonna be tough, full of school debt and having someone else looking after our little man. And we keep finding ourselves talking about when I am done school. Just like we used to talk about "After he is born". Than we reflect on what we'd miss out on if we just fast forwarded the next 2 years, all the good. All the joy, all the love, all the memories.

So we're focusing on the now, sure there are things we'd change, but it is not possible right now. So we're gonna focus on the now and reflect on the joy and photograph as many memories as we can and realize that this is life that we're living.

I hope you try to as well and find the joy in the simple everyday. Make your neighbor some cookies. Go for a walk in the snow. Call up an old friend, on the phone. Love others. Find your joy.

Merry Christmas & Happy Hannukah

4 Months

You were 4 months old yesterday. A third of a year if you will, which makes it sound crazy. Everyone and my mother keeps telling me to enjoy it while I can, as it goes by far too fast. Maybe I am alone on this one but I am excited with each passing day, to see you grow and develop. I am so excited to one day be done cloth diapering you and to have you carry on a conversation with me.

This month has lead to a ton more interaction between you and I. You have started laughing, a real little laugh which is so contagious, and your dad and I watch you laugh and coo for so long and than laugh at our newness and excitement of each of these moments. You also rolled over for the first time, I was having a shower and when I got out I found you awake, upset and rolled over! At about 3.5 months old.

We were given an exersaucer from a friend and you love it! Your feet barely reach the ground and there are these three musical song buttons which you press over and over and over, smiling the whole while. So impressed with yourself!

You had your first Halloween, which you almost slept through, you woke up around 9 pm and we quickly got you outfitted and took you over to two of our neighbor's homes. They just love you around here!

We've had lots of fun this past month meeting so many of our friends new babies who've been born in these past few months. You met Julianna, Eva, Jacob, Oakley, baby Rae (in her mommy's tummy), Owen, Julia and Titus (and his brothers and cousin). We've also been able to introduce you to some new aunties and uncles for you, again they've loved you.

When we're at home you are so calm and content but if we take you outside of our home, you seem well just out of sorts. So we've started staying home a bit more.

Your sleep patterns have taken a HUGE turn, for the harder. You now wake up consistently every 2-3 hours a night. Its proven even tougher to adjust back to the way you were when we first came home. Our 6 week teaser of you sleeping 8 hours a night seems a far far distant memory. Hopefully we'll get back there soon.

You my little man are teething like crazy! You have molars coming in. MOLARS. You let us know when you need some special soothing by grabbing and jamming anything you can into your mouth and chomping away at it. We can see the white teeth buds just waiting to break through....and waiting.

You've also begun to take an interest in our meals. Your daddy and I will sit you up on the table in your Bumbo while we're eating and the intensity in which you watch us is so sweet. So on the day you turned 4 months old I gave you the tiniest bit of rice cereal and some apples. You seemed somewhat indifferent to the whole food thing, but you did swallow it, which shows us that you're getting closer and closer to integrating some solids into your diet.

Your dad and I are busy getting ready for your dedication this coming weekend, we have over 30 guests who will be in attendance to join us in celebrating you! I know it will be a fabulous day and once again I'd like to say thank-you God for choosing us to be your parents.

I love you to the moon and back my roe roe

mommy. xox

Where is the 'me'?

So I started this blog as I've seen numerous people do. To document my pregnancy and my little man's life. but what I've neglected to do is to share how having a baby added to my life has changed me so very much in such a short time.

The pregnancy part, like a lot of stuff to me, seems simple, almost easy in the beginning; Than it gets really Tough. It gets hard, and than you understand what everyone else has been complaining about. And for a moment it seems you're allowed to be a little bit uncomfortable with your body being take over and stretched and broken in some ways-ways that heal. Yes. In ways that heal, but are never quite the same. Like stretch marks and scars. Than there is the emotional stuff and internal stuff that no one wants to talk about.

During my pregnancy I was lucky to have a very supportive midwife and one very cautious midwife (they work in teams of 2 around here). And early into my pregnancy she inquired into my support team after I had my baby. I related that I had Paul and ummmmm well Paul (who is amazing and amazing in so many ways, except that he has to go to work and than I am alone with my roe).

You see my mom and dad (whom I miss more than typed or spoken words could ever express) live 3 hours away, about 20 minutes away from my in-laws. My 2 brothers and my niece and nephew live 2 hours another way from us along with my brother and sister in law and 2 nephews. So I had friends, and my Aunt Gloria and uncle Darren and their adorable and cuddly kids (they're still an hour away). And our closest friends other than one couple who have 4 children of their own live anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour away from us.

You see I hadn't even thought about how HARD it would be not to have my people around. my mom, my girls. Of course this was a huge red flag for the midwife who recommended some support groups etc. And I took the recommendations with a smile and agreed that I'd go there. I have a secret to confess I have yet to go, and the babe is 15 weeks today.

So I got sick the last 2 months of my pregnancy, had a transfer of care to an OB, and was hospitalized quite often. Than Monroe was born and everything seemed perfect. He was/is perfect. Than pain was gone as were the t3's and morphine and antibiotics.

So after my 6 week recovery, I was supposed to be getting out, not isolating myself etc. But even at my 2 week check-up I had to admit that I was getting quite a few check marks on the list of post-partum issues. Than I talked about it, and people did NOT know what to do or say. My mom even said to me "If you can say you have Post-partum depression, than you don't have it". Than she realized you could after spending a weekend (about 3 weeks after Monroe was born) with me where I felt at my ropes end while Paul was away working. You see our society is aware of the issue but if someone openly says they are feeling down down down, no one knows what to say or do because no one actually talks about it happening to them.

The funny thing is once I began to talk about it and people managed to swallow my bluntness with it I started to get some more support. Which was amazing. And I even found my own mama's group (not one from the midwife), but one that works for me. But I only see them every other Friday morning. I would like to see them everyday and have them over for tea and talk and 'support' one another. But life happens and it is not possible.

So I started to feel better about 6 weeks after roe being born and thought, whew that hurdle has been jumped and cleared. Except as we passed the 3 month mark. It came back. Maybe it is a fluke and maybe you think that I am too blunt to be experiencing it. But I feel down and there are factors lately that have added to it, and once again i feel this how the heck am I going to get out of this pit feeling.

I realized that I had not really told my girls about these issues, about how sometimes I feel like I just need a break, maybe in a quiet white room where no one is clawing at me for my breasts. For a week. So I told one this past week, and she took me out with a few of our other friends. And it was amazing. We stayed out til 4 am and danced the night away. We laughed and had fruity drinks and danced and took cute photos ad took hours to get ready. And I felt like I found the me again.

When I came home, and I woke up Saturday with only 5 hours of sleep, it was to an amazing husband, who only called me at 3 am to make sure I was okay, not to demand that I come home at any time soon. And on Saturday morning after I fed Roe, he took him and snuggled him so I could sleep just a little longer. We than went for a family walk, than raked some leaves while Roe slept. We laughed a lot, and Paul told me that he was so happy to have his wife back who cracked jokes and laughed with him. He said it had been a tough few months with me gone. I have to agree.

So I still feel sad. But I am forcing myself to get out more. I am trying to laugh. I am asking for help and I am stating that I have PPD. And I'll be okay and I need your support, so just be there for me okay? I'll do the same for you. I promise.

I think I am slowly finding the me in mom.

3 Months!

Monroe,

You have just reached the 3 month milestone in your journey, which I found out means you've had to give up your newborn title and move onto the very progressive title of infant. We are so glad that we were chosen to be your parents.

This month you learned to stick out your tongue, grasp and hold objects (with a much stronger left hand currently) and you've started to move yourself when placed on your tummy. A little wriggle if you will. We'll find you halfway up your crib from where we placed you and sometimes even sideways.

This month your dad and I got to go on a belated 5 year anniversary dinner while you stayed with our friends Paul & Alisha. They have 4 little girls who like to just smile and coo over you.

This month has had some very hard times as well.
Your great grandfather suffered a massive stroke while away in Halifax and when your grandma, and great aunts rushed out to be with him and your great-Nanny. You and I headed over to grandma's house to run her dog kennel and keep an eye on your grumpa. This proved quite tough with you and up to a dozen dogs to look after. We managed somehow.
Unfortunately your great-grandpa passed away a week later. I am so happy he got to meet you and hold you!
During the funeral your Aunt Kristy offered to take the day off of work to watch you. You did great and made all that pumping worth it knowing you were managing just fine.

Your dad had a trip to Calgary and you and I went and stayed with your great-Nanny. It was a fun visit where she snuggled and held you lots and helped me when I couldn't seem to comfort you.

You met some other aunties of yours this month for the first time, lydia and andrea and kyla, you also got to meet grandma bev and gord. They just loved you the moment they saw and held you. You are so beautiful and smile so easily with a grin that lights up your entire face.

We had a brunch with your auntie jennie bess and josh during our thanksgiving weekend, in which you behaved perfectly as you always seem to! Than we were off to Aunt Jackie's for a family thanksgiving, where you got to meet poppy for the first time.

You're getting better and better in your carseat and stroller. i have hope that one day we'll be able to complete walks without you screaming the entire time. We bought you some new clothes this month and everyone who sees you comment son how absolutely handsome you are.

We love seeing you grow and find new things such as your hands and feet and the way you grin so very much.

we love you,
mommy & daddy